So that time I went to Home Depot for some water softener salt with a four-month-old strapped to my chest while pushing Graham in the child seat.
I marched over to the salt wall, waded through a salt spill due to rips in several of the bags, and loaded up five 40-pound bags into the wagon. Basically my workout for the month.
I clumsily maneuvered to the registers with 200 pounds of salt and a two-year-old who was shouting “HI!” at everyone and waving wildly and waited in line for a few minutes.
It was my turn, and as I took a step, I felt a rumble. Not from my body, but rather the little dude I was wearing. I felt something warm on my arm. Thinking it was puke (he’s a little pukey sometimes) I thought nothing of it. Until I smelled it.
And then I looked down.
He busted through the diaper, down his leg, onto my arm, drips finding their way onto the carrier, and finally, onto the concrete floor. Politely, I asked the woman for some paper towels, which she happily got for me. I took it and nonchalantly wiped off his leg and my arm before bending down to clean up the floor. She got a plastic bag for me to throw the poop-soaked towels. Then she offered me this nugget: “Maybe teeth?,” like she was some kind of mind reader. (Linds and I have talked about this over the past week or so since he’s been drooling like a faucet and gnawing on his entire hand quite a bit.)
She really was a huge help and I thanked her several times. I also told her she maybe should call someone to give the floor a quick mop. She joked that maybe it was time for her break.
All the while, Graham is sitting in the wagon, still shouting “HI!” and “BYYYYYYE!” to everyone he sees as he simultaneously points to the poop. Nothing like drawing attention to a shitty situation.
I completed my purchase and headed to the car, where I changed him and put him in the car seat to head home. He fell asleep and eventually pooped through again, this time only dirtying the swaddle blanket and car seat insert pad. So that was a success, all things considered.
I know this has surely happened to every parent at some point. Linds dealt with this tenfold last weekend while I worked all Saturday. Graham was puking all day after eating probably too much kettle corn the night before during out family night out with the Butler crew. Austin also crapped through two outfits, including waking up with shit up to his nipples. I stopped home after the first event I worked with flowers and to clean up the car and clean off the car seat, which was covered in vomit.
So while my misadventure in the Depot was something, what she experienced a week prior was worse.
Gotta go. Time to change over the stuff to the dryer.