Death to the Goody Bag

The planning, lead-up, and execution of a kid’s birthday party.

It’s enjoyable stress, if that’s a thing. It’s now Friday and Nolan’s party is tomorrow, so I’m writing this is advance of the actual party, but they’ve got our money, so it’s happening.

Every party begins with where it’ll be – at home or at a venue. And wherever you decide to have it, you’ll be glad you did.

Have it at home and you’re glad you didn’t fork over a few hundred bucks to have it elsewhere as you conveniently forget all the stress-related swearing you did leading up to said party.

Have it at a venue and it was money well spent not having worry about the decorations/cake/cleanup or the awkwardness of having to politely inform guests they don’t have to go home but they gotta get the f*** up outta here.

But really, it’s about the kids. Seeing the happiness on their faces, watching as they’re having the time of their lives, gleefully enjoying one another’s company. Man, now that I put it this way, adulthood and childhood really are strikingly different.

And every party ends with a stupid goody bag filled with candy and other shit you don’t need that’s sure to be broken or lost within 48 hours.

I just finished the goody bags for Nolan’s party, which we decided would not be at home. And in lieu of wasting money which we don’t have on shit that none of the kids really want or need…OK, we did a goody bag.

Here’s what’s in it:

  • a glow stick
  • a sheet of Minions stickers
  • a snack pack of Annie’s graham bunnies
  • a small bag of Skittles
  • a two-pack of Starburst
  • a Life Savers gummy ring
  • a bag of Black Forest gummy bears

Call me cheap, boring, uncreative, awesome. But after spending plenty of money on a venue and a gift for my actual child, I don’t feel the need to spend even more money on some lavish goody bag items so your kid remembers Nolan’s 6th birthday party. Chances are they won’t remember by time summer hits anyway…and that Lego set I didn’t include won’t get stepped on in the dark.

Besides, kids don’t give a crap what they get in the goody bag at their friend/classmate’s party. I bet they’ll enjoy the hell out of the goody bag I just described. It’s the parents who immediately think about whether or not the goody bag is up to par compared to what they gave out after their kid’s party. I’m confident none of the parents at his party will judge the fucking GOODY BAG! But they’re out there, somewhere, waiting to talk shit about our weak-ass goody bag.

Hey, PSA to any parent listening: it’s not a competition, even though to some it is. It’s a kid’s birthday party.

We’ll save the invite, take and print out some pictures, and look back on it years from now remembering what a good time everyone had at Nolan’s 6th birthday party.

We definitely won’t remember the boring, uninspired goody bag that’s pretty much a participation trophy which might assist in giving your kid a cavity. Or a rave.

You’re welcome.



2 thoughts on “Death to the Goody Bag

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